Today, as words race across the venues of social media with responses that are either filled with anger or enthusiasm on any subject from food and agriculture, to sports and the world in general, it reminds me of my introduction to fierce conversations over 25 years ago. “Everything starts with a conversation … or not” is a quote I often use (and somewhat paraphrased) from Susan Scott’s book Fierce Conversations, a book with which I became familiar during the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics 2004 Leadership Conference where Susan spoke.
While I have not been always been the best example of the concept, I am always drawn back to her words of wisdom in the introduction, especially now: “Our very lives succeed or fail gradually, then suddenly, one conversation at a time.”
Beyond the Chatter — Listen and Converse
In Sonja Stetlzer’s December Effective Communications newsletter, I again was reminded of the importance of conversation from her list of “books that shaped my year.” While I’ve not personally read them (but they need to be on our lists), these two books highlight the importance of listening and conversation:
“Deep Listening: Transform Your Relationships with Family, Friends, and Foes” by Emily Kasriel
According to the author, listening is 50% of the communication process. Eight principles for intentionally listening more deeply to understand, not respond, are outlined in the book. They are: creating space, recognizing distractions, being present, bringing curiosity, becoming comfortable with silence, reflecting on what was said, self-awareness of non-verbal communication, and going deeper. As Sonja mentions, “this is a guide to better listening as it leads to more accurate decision-making, improves conflict management, and enhances innovative team dialogue.”
“Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves” by Alison Wood Brooks
Sonja mentions this was her favorite book and based on the description, it seems to reflect similar principles from Fierce Conversations. Sonja remarks that “we have a tendency to think that conversations just happen, yet this book offers a framework for more engaging and satisfying conversations.” In fact, “talk” means:
T – choose meaningful topics
A – ask questions to build rapport and uncover insights
L – add levity with humor to connect emotionally
K – remember kindness is key to civility
Alison’s book, like Susan’s is grounded in research and provides a practical guide to developing better relationships through conversation.
It’s Time for Fierce Conversations
We need fierce conversations! And no, not the crude responses we often see but rather “robust, passionate and eager engagement with others … creating a relationship that leads to meaningful conversation.”
Recently, I had the opportunity to participate in a Kentucky-focused roundtable on the future of agriculture and food that emulated such principles. Open dialogue, personal reflection and frank discussion within a small group of professionals that truly represented the whole “farm to plate” ecosystem.
While we didn’t leave with a crystalized plan, we listened, ideas were generated through conversations and connections were made. As Sonja stated in her newsletter, “connection and communication are not soft skills, but central to human thriving and organizational success.”
Conversation Can Change the World
We have some significant food, nutrition and agriculture challenges facing us locally and across the globe in the year ahead. How will we address these? The following steps are simple but complex:
- Take down our guard and prejudice.
- Be present, listen to each other.
- Converse with each other, not just talk.
Conversation can often change the world. I challenge each of us to start one today.